I was not in pain anymore from ulcerative colitis, but I was unable to control my trips to the toilet. This put a big damper on my social life; i.e., being a prisoner to the toilet. When I first met my husband, I only explained to him that I could not control my bowel movements due to a disease. I did not go into specifics about the temporary ileostomy that I had a year earlier. I did not feel it was important anymore since the ostomy was gone. How was I to know that I would need another ileostomy later down the line?
We were not able to go out and eat in restaurants or go to movies or clubs because my body would not allow me to be away from a toilet for very long. Our dates consisted of watching a rented movie at my house so the toilet would be close by. At times, I would be in the bathroom for hours at a time. By the time I could come back out and join him, he would be asleep on the couch. He did not seem to mind, but I hated losing that time to be with him.
After we had been dating for about four months, I needed another surgery. The J-pouch was failing and I needed a permanent ileostomy to save my life. I was ready to have the ostomy back; I was tired of living on the toilet. When I was in high school, I only attended my freshman year in the physical school building. I finished the next three years being home schooled because of the severity and complications of the ulcerative colitis. I did not want to be a prisoner any longer.
When I recovered from the surgery, I was scared he would leave me once I told him what the surgery involved. I showed him a brochure that would best explain the surgery, what an ileostomy entailed and what it looked like.
He simply said, "OK". In a little over two years, we were married. He later said that when I was explaining the surgery to him, he realized just how much he loved me. He said it did not matter that I had an ileostomy; he just wanted me to feel well and to be with me.
Now, we were able to go out in public and enjoy being with each other and our friends. I swim, go out to clubs to dance, exercise; nothing is "off limits" because I have an ileostomy. In fact, without the ileostomy, many activities had previously been off limits to me.
I would still be grateful for my ileostomy even if he had left me because he could not handle it. However, I am much happier that he loves me and decides to stay. He has proven to me that there are people out there who will love you for you. Anyway - the way I see it - if anyone does not, then he/she does not deserve your love.
