Stand-up comic and author Brenda Elsagher finds the lighter side of having an ostomy
Three weeks later I had my rectum removed, a hysterectomy, an appendectomy, vaginal reconstruction and a permanent colostomy. Couldn't they throw in a complimentary tummy tuck while they were at it?
My children motivated me to get through the painful healing process as did the thought of my husband ending up with a better second wife. Many days I put on clothes and a smile when it was the last thing I wanted to do.
From the moment we knew where we were headed, we lined up support. One friend took calls from church friends who delivered meals every other day for five weeks. Another came over on the days my husband was at work. Many people did house cleaning and sent prayers, flowers, gift certificates and notes. My co-workers even picked up some of my work and helped run things smoothly in my absence.
We talked simply but directly with our children about why Mommy couldn't hold them for a while and the reason they had to be careful around Mommy's tummy. "Colostomy" and "pouch" became as much a part of my children's vocabulary as "Fun with Dick and Jane. "My children can't remember a time when I didn't have an ostomy.
When they were young, I popped in a video for them to watch in my bedroom as I spent an hour irrigating in the adjacent bathroom. Irrigation isn't for everyone who has a colostomy, but for me it became an odd blessing.
As my confidence with my ostomy and my children grew, I would allow them to play in the yard while I was in the bathroom. I always kept the window open so I could talk to them below.
One day I overheard a neighbor child ask, "Where is your mommy?" My son answered, "She's in the bathroom. My mommy poops out her tummy." We all laughed hysterically. And years later as I rushed to get my kids off to school, something wasn't adjusted right. I was just about to pour their milk, when…splat! A pile of poop sat on the kitchen floor. My son looked at it and said, "Gross." Having small children while dealing with an ostomy is not only possible, but it helped me focus on something besides myself. My children see me as a busy, strict, funny, loving, crazy mom who happens to live with an ostomy. They are teenagers now and not bothered by my ostomy at all. These days they're only concerned when my wallet is empty.
[Brenda Elsagher is a national speaker, comic, and author of, If the Battle is Over, Why am I Still in Uniform? and, I'd Like to Buy a Bowel Please! Order books at www.livingandlaughing.com. She welcomes questions or comments for her Secure Start column at Brenda@livingandlaughing.com.
